Aladdin (2019) The Struggle Is Real

Please Disney stop with the below average live action remakes!

These are simply my feelings on the newest cash cow remake of a beloved Disney classic. The first thought was wow Aladdin is getting turned into a live action movie. Sounds cool. Who’s playing the genie? Wait, what, Will Smith? I don’t know about all that.

The castings of who are they again and why should I Nancy care again?

They should of casted Priyanka Chopra Jonas Brothers as Jasmine. She has a cult like following and with her great turn in a villainous role in Baywatch. Even her role in Quantico (Not that I have ever seen an episode) was hot and sadly cancelled in august of 2018. How about Fez from That 70’s Show also known as Wilmer Valderrama as Aladdin. Besides everyone knows and loves fez. Even the ladies… Have you ever googled his dating history? The man has A list celebrity dating history credit maybe an 8O8 or above. Look we know the two are a little older than 25 but hey most movies and shows have 30 year old high school students. IE Luke Perry. Why was Gilbert Gottfried not recasted as the parrot? Use his old recordings as the parrot or Aflac duck. In a recent article in the AV Club Gilbert Godfrey seems pissed he wasn’t asked to be in the live-action remake. I mean why not his voice? Aflec!

Getting greedy with it. Nah nah nah.

We can only figure Will Smith took this role was because he must be broke or needing to get out of the house. Why not bring back robin Williams? You’ve got enough audio. If you can make Will Smith blue why not Williams? The return of Jafar was good and that was a direct to VHS sequel. The technology is there! We’ve seen this in the last 5 years in great movies.

Was it a code red? Was it all the bragging? Was it the Men In Black reboot?

The rap career needs a topic change. Rap about a season or holiday again. Just the two of us was mad real yo. The fathers day companion song every mom shares and talks about how special it will be. How bout mommies just don’t understand?

Over advertising and a review embargo is a sure sign of a stinker.

The review embargo is not good. Critics hate it and always scores them low. Plus, it’s a Guy Richie film and critics don’t treat Guy well. The Guy Richie snoredom factory of movies and madonna swept away curse. Sure The Man from U.N.C.L.E. looked nice but man its sloooow. Over adverted tend to be movies that were turkeys and smelling pirate hookers. Guy Richie’s last effort King Arthur: Legend of the Sword was a box office bomb and critical disaster. Just one more thing Guy Richie about the casting… I know you know Jason Statham. Why didn’t you cast him a Jafar? Shoot. He’s got acting range. Have you seen him in Spy? Give him a chin strap and mustache and let him have some fun.

Who farted? Was that you Will Smith? Smith hasn’t had a good fun film in years. What happened? 

The films haven’t aged well. I am legend when recently visited looks CGI and fake. Really pour grade D CGI. I Am, Robot looms and glooms and why can’t I figure out what to do with mine. Men in black 3 was not looking good. The wild wild west, Jim West dancing with Sisqó and shhhh… Last earth. Nobody cares. Bright on Netflix. Nobdy cares about ferry lives mattering (Ugh that movie was bad Will Smith). Concussion? Still nobody cares. The Oscars didn’t that’s for sure. Snubbed!

The decline of coolness in the summertime.

Bad boys 3 and 4? Hmmm, doesn’t sound promising. Will Smith coming back for another cop movie? Look what it did to Eddie Murphy’s career. Maybe its time to revisit the sitcom days. You know, take it back to the old schools. In west Philadelphia born and raised in the playground is were I spent most of my days.

Indispensable Day and Men in Black 1, 2 and 3.

Will Smith and Aliens are the cats Orion’s belt. Maybe a new non CGI Aliens movie with Will Smith as Bigly an Alien hunting machine!! Lots of one liners! Lots of alien blood blood splatters and die you son of a bitch!

5 snores out of 5 snores. Certified snoozer. The fun days of Will Smith are gone and we wish they’d come home. Or at least for the summertime have some fun with it. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah.