The Matrix trilogy (it’s worse than you remember)

Here’s the deal… We’ll give you two sequels in the year 2003. 

That sounds great! What do you need from me? All we’re asking is $35 for the two tickets, $30 for the popcorn and $20 for the sodas. That’s only $85 per person to watch 5 hours of the matrix. My response to that is the same as Neo’s “Hmmm, How about I give you the finger!”

Talk about a disrespectful way of releasing a pop culture phenom. 

Even as I  watch the original 1999 masterpiece one thing comes to mind… This movie is amazing! Wow! Look at the details! The framing of each and every shot! This movie was made in the 90s? Oh man, I know exactly what this is about and where we’re going to end up! I love this movie! When I watch the sequels.. I’m like who is that? Eww this is kinda boring. Wait, Who is that? Why should I care? That CGI wasn’t great. Is this gonna make sense later? This looks like a sloppy movie. That doesn’t even make sense!! What the heck is going on?!?!? Forget it because I give up!

The sequels never do make any sense. The first sequel Reloaded plays like an audition for a new cast of characters. Every few seconds a new character thrown on the screen and then becomes so boring. I just want to enjoy this movie and not have to think of why are all these unlikable characters being introduced. Is it because Neo needs a key? If Neo needs a key? Why does he need a key? Do we really need this much boring matrix?

The story is all over the place. What the heck is going on? 

I don’t really care about anyone. What made the first movie so great was I cared about every character. Yeah all of them. Which is odd. How could I care about Agent Smith? Because he’s a great villain. When a villain matters… The hero matters. The sequel and it’s characters are so boring and bland. Every dialog scene goes on and on and on and on. They run on so long and the actors take forever to get the dialog out. It becomes so hard to watch and pay attention. It becomes so frustrating to watch you just want to give up!  Even the old white guys have no charisma.

It’s like listening to a great song and someone turns the bass all the way down.

It’s like hanging out with that old friend in 1999 that was so fun and mysterious and then you hang out in 2003… Yep you guessed it they’re now boring and bland with no vision for their future. Even the scenes with dialog explaining the story to us like we’ve never seen a movie in our lives… They seem so disrespectful to the audience.

The hokey factor is a big key in the matrix sequels.

Trinity pulls a gun on a sorta hot woman who promises Neo the key or something like that. He’ll get the key if he kisses her like he kisses trinity. Huh? Why? So the audience needs to be reminded of Neos love for trinity after they make love in Zion? I don’t know, this all seems so trite.

What went wrong? Was it the new cast?

Who is that again? nobody oh ok.. why am I watching this movie again?

The warmth of Aaliyah is missing. The tragic death of Aaliyah and recasting hurts. The oracle is even different in this one. The actress who played the oracle in the original passed on and left us with a replacement. The only problem is the replacement oracle is bland and let me say it one more time… Boring! She’s like decaf oracle coffee. Even worse, Jada Pickett Smith is in this one. Why? She adds nothing fresh to the movies. She does however add a new hairstyle that looks dated even for 2003. Even Mouse from the original movie had so much heart. He was a character you cared about and loved even if we only got to see him for a few minutes. Tank is that you? No it’s now Link. Need I say more? Oh yeah, why not recast Morpheus as Sam Jackson? No one would care right?

How many new characters that don’t matter do we need?

The white albinos with dreads, the brunette in a white dress with long hair and matrix vagina, the boring white old guys and the random people delivering messages. Why all the lame and boring characters? Did you guys run out of yellow tablet material?? When you watch great movies or even the best movies, they have actors who warm the screen. You know the kind of actors that make us dive deeper into the matrix.

Is it the score? I’m sorry this is a dead end. 

One loud score you have there. It’s louder than any actors trying to act. 

3:14 seconds is all you need to know this is now what a good movie or even a movie of the first matrix accomplished. All I wanted was a movie with heart and fun. this is not fun and has no heart. Decades later this movie still plays like a cash grab. So when you score a movie the music really shouldn’t stand out. It shouldn’t be the lead actor. The sequels have such a loud and over produced score that it makes you wonder if the acting was so bad with the music. You can hear the directors in the editing room “Turn up the music, that acting is trite!”.  It could of been where they money came from to make the sequels. The executive producers I heard had a lot of family needing an acting boost. What a shame.

The CGI is on point for the early 2000s (sort of)

In the era of the late 1990s the CGI was still in the works.

Maybe it was the new millennium and the Y2K promise of computers and the world ending? It might of been the early 2000s scifi curse. The star wars movies suffered from the early days of CGI. You look at them now and think “That looks awful!”

I never questioned the original matrix and how it looked.

The first movie was released in 1999 and doesn’t feel or look that way. The sequels released in 2003 look and feel so dated. All we as a movie going crowd care about is a movie looking and feeling good. You know, a movie that entertains us and takes us down the rabbit hole. The problem with the 2003 matrix is that the rabbit hole sucks and CGI sucks as well.

The Matrix fell prey to pop culture overload

Every movie in the early 2000s was a matrix parody. so was it doomed for failure? 

What If the series was good? What if the trilogy never happened? Isn’t that worth dying for? The sequels might of fallen prey to parody overdose. I mean every movie, tv show, radio station and even your grandma was doing a parody. From 1999 to 2003 It was nothing but a parody of slow motion bullet time, even Shrek was doing impressions. Speaking of Shrek, The second movie in that franchise was better and more fun!

What made the matrix great?

Do you remember the good old days? The follow the white rabbit days?

The Matrix was a mysterious place in the first movie. In Reloaded, the matrix isn’t a place that we would want to visit in the movie theater. The 3rd one? Wait, what was that one about again? What happened to the visual porn? Everything feels trite and contrived.

FINAL SNORE: 5 snores out of 5 snores. Certified Snoozer, What a let down of 9 hours. What a crappy pay more to view the ending of reloaded was and is to this date. Out of the 9 hours, all we get is 2 hours of fun! Why did I bother with this turkey of a Matrix. That ending to reloaded is a cash grab wait until the November sequel. What a dumb ending that was. You mean I gotta pay another $15 for the movie ticket to see how this ends?? That’s lame.